


All Eyes on Me

by PendragonQueen09



Series: Remus Angst [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Forgotten Birthday, Hurt No Comfort, only Remus is an actual character all other sides are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24908095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PendragonQueen09/pseuds/PendragonQueen09
Summary: Remus just wants someone to listen to him.  The sides forget his birthday.
Series: Remus Angst [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802377
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	All Eyes on Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote Remus Angst when the video first released, of course I'm gonna write it for his birthday too who do you think I am?? A coward?? No
> 
> Tw for self harm in the manner of not caring (not actual self harm but like. Self harm tendencies?? Idk?)  
> Also tw for gorey Remus thoughts and One thrown object and suicide thoughts just a lot of Bad

It was ridiculously easy to be heard.

Heard, perhaps, but not listened to- not when it came to Logan, at least.

With the others, Remus found it easy to do both!

All it took was a scream. That got their attention, that had them running to his room- at least until they realized that it wasn't Roman screaming next door, and his screams dissolved into giddy laughter at having fooled them into thinking he was hurt.

Well, he  _ was  _ hurt- but not like that. He was hurt inside- in his chest, and in his brain. Just not in his arms or legs or torso. They would give him more attention if he got hurt, probably, but that would require one of them to hurt him, and he didn't think he could provoke that. Far as any of them would go with insulting them, they would never hurt him physically.

They would never hurt him in a way that meant they would have to pick up the scraps, that would leave him crawling towards them across the floor with a manic grin and blood spilling out of his mouth- oh, what a lovely thought! But alas, only a thought.

None of the sides cared how they hurt him emotionally, though.

He'd thought Virgil cared, once. Back when Virgil was still Anxiety. When he was too scared to share his name, and would threaten the light sides to keep them away. Insult them while pestering Thomas. Remus missed Anxiety. He had been so much fun. Virgil was still fun, but now they never spent time together.

Anxiety had stopped caring, left him to become Virgil.

So Remus latched onto Deceit, latched on to the shadows he could find.

But Deceit had left him, too, hadn't he? Janus.

Remus missed when he was listened to. Thomas had never listened to him, not once. He wondered what that felt like. He  _ fantasized _ about it- the "tingly feeling" Logan said he felt when Thomas met a deadline. That feeling of being  _ heeded _ , of being  _ wanted.  _ Remus  _ craved  _ it, just as any side did- but not once had Thomas ever delivered. The worst Remus could get him to do was curse when he accidentally hurt himself.

He'd at least had Anxiety and Deceit to fill these urges, before. They'd all relied on each other.

Remus wondered when that had changed. When had it turned to dependency? When had it turned to  _ him _ needing  _ them? _

Ah, it hurt horribly to think about. It clawed at the inside of his ribcage, making him want to scream again, in genuine pain this time, but they wouldn't come running. Not when it was Remus. 

The Dark Creativity lifted a dirty plate from his dresser and chucked it at the door, watching it shatter across the room. Shards lay all over now. It would be a pain to try to avoid them when he left his room.

No need to try, then.

He flopped back on his bed, closing his eyes.

Oh yeah, it was his birthday, wasn't it?

Birthday and name day, all in one. Wasn't that nice? Wasn't it nice to have a birthday? Wasnt it nice to exist?

Salty tears fell down the sides of his face, and he wiped them with his fingers just to bring them to his lips.

Wasn't it nice, to be forgotten?

He took a deep breath.

" _ Happy birthday to me _ ," Remus sang, turning to his side. His chest squeezed with an awful pain, words coming out choked as he curled his knees up to touch his chest, wrapping his arms around them in the closest thing he could get to a hug from anyone. 

" _ Happy birthday to me _ ," he continued, sniffling pathetically. " _ Happy birthday, dear… Remus… _ " he made the mistake of imagining the other sides, happily sitting around the living room, joking about a horrid movie that they were watching- and the mistake made him choke on a sob, voice hitching up even further as he curled in further to the fetal position, hoping that if he squeezed tight enough he would stop breathing as the last words finally came out in a whisper.

" _ Happy birthday to me." _


End file.
